Well, honestly I don't really have much to say, but this morning the Lord made a drastic shift in my focus. This should have been my focus all along, but hey... it's a process right?
Since we have been here in England (even before we touched the ground) I feel like my mind has been spinning its wheels in mud at 100 mph going absolutely no where. Thinking thoughts of "why are we here in England?", "why are we STILL here in England?", "God, what are you doing?", "What's going on with Dira?", "Why hasn't her breathing got better?", "Why can't any doctor find anything?"...etc. I could go on and on and on, but I will spare you.
The only answer I can come up with is, "I don't know." I have been trying to figure things out constantly, and all of my efforts have been futile. I go to try and post another update on Facebook to inform everyone, and I realize I don't have any news other than "I don't know."
SO. I am finished! I am finished trying to figure everything out and having a "plan." I am finished trying to carry all of this unnecessary pressure. I am finished at trying to figure everything out.
I do know that I need more of God. I do know that I want more of Him. I have to have more of Him. I do know that I love Him and He loves me. I do know that He is always good, all the time. I do know that His ways are far better than mine. I do know that He is our provider. He is our guide. Frankly, all I care to know at the moment is Him. No more spinning the wheels of my mind in the metaphorical mud. I am taking my rightful place in Heavenly places and getting perspective. I want my thoughts to be His thoughts. I can't afford to think anything else.
I do know that things are just going to work out. In the mean time, I quiet my soul. I still my being and know the He is God. I wait on Him. That is the only thing I know to do. That is the only thing that really truly works. Everything else is futile.
My Joy is in Him through my wife, my child, my family, and my friends. All of my Joys are wrapped into one and it's all in the Heart of God which I desperately need. I am counting everything as joy.
SO. I gladly give up my right and desire to understand and receive the peace that passing all understanding.
I gladly say this of my circumstances "I don't know" and I gladly say this of my God "I want to know Him"
Sorry, if this seemed like I rambled, but this is where I am at the moment.
I love you all very much. May this peace of God overwhelm you, the presence of God fill you, and the love of God be your very heartbeat.
Yours truly,
Andrew Soreano
